Wake (+5) bolt breakfast (+5 indigestion), delays into Euston (+20 frustration +10 rage) but make office in nick of time (+5 work kudos). Light flirting with canteen girl (+10 self image), chug five cups of strong coffee (+4 motivation +4 gibbering +2 paranoia).
Plough through latest round of witless emails and dull memos (-20 motivation) but organise minions successfully and bribe with cake (+20 minion standing). Heated encounter with twat boss ends in furious shouting match (-20 career development, +10 personal satisfaction, +20 homicidal intentions).
Post-work extended drinks with lads (-60 sobriety, +20 camaraderie) results in unexpected but welcome sex with random attractive lovely (+50 serotonin boost, +30 ego, -10cc seminal fluid, +10 STI vulnerability). Blissful post-coital unconsciousness sets in (+20 rest & recuperation, +40 freaky dreams +5 dribbling into pillow).
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Thursday, 3 March 2011
#19 Acts of War
They go from house to house, rounding up the innocents, while we stand, safety catches locked, doing nothing. It's orders, policy. Doors are kicked in, wailing villagers extracted, herded like cattle into a corral by the market. Even up wind we can smell their sweat, their fear. Peacekeeper, I spit and the word seems to settle there in the sand. Still we do nothing.
The sun scalds, bleaching the mud brick streets the colour of bone, so that even the shadows hide. Muzzles are raised, bolts drawn back, ready for the slaughter. The lieutenant mutters 'stay focussed' but there are orders and there is what is right. I am a man, before I am a soldier. I raise my rifle, the first butcher dies and now we are truly weapons free.
The sun scalds, bleaching the mud brick streets the colour of bone, so that even the shadows hide. Muzzles are raised, bolts drawn back, ready for the slaughter. The lieutenant mutters 'stay focussed' but there are orders and there is what is right. I am a man, before I am a soldier. I raise my rifle, the first butcher dies and now we are truly weapons free.
Monday, 7 February 2011
#18 Tripping on trains
Some people enjoy drinking in parks, I like tripping on trains. An off peak ticket, a mild(-ish) psychedelic and a window seat and the trip begins.
Beyond the verges of the city, we hurtle through the veins and arteries of the land, spectators in the midst of a moving feast, yet I'm the only one who sees. As the rush kicks in, the countryside unfolds like a rolling blanket, a verdant green wet dream of frolicking hills, gamboling rivers and dozing hamlets.
Colours, people, bleed into each other in a most euphoric way and even the very air seems pregnant with rapture and dreams.
Lofty skyscapes stretch toward eternity, like my mind it seems.
Beyond the verges of the city, we hurtle through the veins and arteries of the land, spectators in the midst of a moving feast, yet I'm the only one who sees. As the rush kicks in, the countryside unfolds like a rolling blanket, a verdant green wet dream of frolicking hills, gamboling rivers and dozing hamlets.
Colours, people, bleed into each other in a most euphoric way and even the very air seems pregnant with rapture and dreams.
Lofty skyscapes stretch toward eternity, like my mind it seems.
Sunday, 31 October 2010
#17 NPCs
“Here e’ comes, make ready.”
“Alright I know. It’s only a line, it’s not like we actually have anything else to do except stand here and look rustic.”
“Sush! e’s here!”
“Noble peasants hail! I am Vortigen the Revenger. The land groans under the yoke of the evil Vortigrax, quick can’st tell me the hidden path to his fortress?”
“Aar well you don’t want to be startin’ from ‘ere. Ow!”
“Sorry?”
“Don’t mind him milor’ he’s a bit simple like. Straight on, right as the path bends through the Darkling wood, left past the Direwolf’s lair an’ it be right in front of ‘ee.”
“My thanks to you good man and to your er simple friend. Away now Lightcloud!”
“What I have told you about improvising?”
“Well there was no need to hit me …”
“’Only a line, you said, ‘all we’ve got to do’ you said… ”
“Alright I know. It’s only a line, it’s not like we actually have anything else to do except stand here and look rustic.”
“Sush! e’s here!”
“Noble peasants hail! I am Vortigen the Revenger. The land groans under the yoke of the evil Vortigrax, quick can’st tell me the hidden path to his fortress?”
“Aar well you don’t want to be startin’ from ‘ere. Ow!”
“Sorry?”
“Don’t mind him milor’ he’s a bit simple like. Straight on, right as the path bends through the Darkling wood, left past the Direwolf’s lair an’ it be right in front of ‘ee.”
“My thanks to you good man and to your er simple friend. Away now Lightcloud!”
“What I have told you about improvising?”
“Well there was no need to hit me …”
“’Only a line, you said, ‘all we’ve got to do’ you said… ”
Sunday, 17 October 2010
#16 Night Sky
The mysteries of the heart are like the deeps of space, untold and fathomless. Love explodes like the birth pangs of a star, or blinks out in a moment, leaving only the void. Yet most just decay slowly, until, like the light from a distant sun, we glimpse only a remnant from a thousand years ago.
Sunday, 22 August 2010
#15 Long Service Award
Face wizened, seamed, like rivulets cutting their way through a cragged mountain pass, your dark button eyes regard a world of shopping centres, sales and Starbucks.
Khaki has given way to Surawal, parade ground to waste ground, Kukri has been long sheathed.
You are present but almost forgotten, your reward for a life-time’s devotion, a broken bench by the Thames in the sunshine.
Khaki has given way to Surawal, parade ground to waste ground, Kukri has been long sheathed.
You are present but almost forgotten, your reward for a life-time’s devotion, a broken bench by the Thames in the sunshine.
Sunday, 15 August 2010
#14 Empire of the six gardens
I rule the empire of the six gardens, three roofs and two sheds and all therein unto the boundary of the great wall. Five wives are my harem, twelve fat neuters my courtier-slaves and here my dominion is absolute, unquestioned and unchallenged.
The providers, in their great wisdom, left me intactus to rule this domain and here I fear no-one, not great ginger Achilles, nor killer ear-torn Buttonchops – I fought and conquered them both and even the great hell hound Megan was sent whimpering from the garden where the pleasure plant grows.
Now, I bask in the glow of the warming orb, allowing a provider to ear-worship me, one-eyed, battle-scarred, my head a bumpy patchwork of ancient rents and overgrown wounds. Battles have been fought, will be won again, until claws and teeth and cunning fail…
Topsy is my name.
The providers, in their great wisdom, left me intactus to rule this domain and here I fear no-one, not great ginger Achilles, nor killer ear-torn Buttonchops – I fought and conquered them both and even the great hell hound Megan was sent whimpering from the garden where the pleasure plant grows.
Now, I bask in the glow of the warming orb, allowing a provider to ear-worship me, one-eyed, battle-scarred, my head a bumpy patchwork of ancient rents and overgrown wounds. Battles have been fought, will be won again, until claws and teeth and cunning fail…
Topsy is my name.
Monday, 28 June 2010
#13 Retirement Plan
When I get older, I’ve decided I’m to go to go a little mad, not quite stark staring bonkers or anything but peculiar, eccentric and strange. I’ll develop weird obsessions and phobias, hoard bin bags or dig tunnels in the cellar. I’ll mutter in high streets and exude a malodorous smell.
I’ll buy a walking stick with a metal end and shake it at life. Kids will run from my shadow and I’ll always say the wrong thing in shops – loudly – and be blunt to the point of rudeness and perhaps cultivate a line in casual racist remarks .
I’ll force young mothers to give up seats on buses and make damn sure I get the sympathy vote. I’ll milk state benefits and cause doctors to shake their heads, as I stay just on the right side of certifiable.
I think it’s the only thing that will keep me sane.
I’ll buy a walking stick with a metal end and shake it at life. Kids will run from my shadow and I’ll always say the wrong thing in shops – loudly – and be blunt to the point of rudeness and perhaps cultivate a line in casual racist remarks .
I’ll force young mothers to give up seats on buses and make damn sure I get the sympathy vote. I’ll milk state benefits and cause doctors to shake their heads, as I stay just on the right side of certifiable.
I think it’s the only thing that will keep me sane.
Sunday, 20 June 2010
#12 Beyond the cheese course
“Hello, nice meet you, we didn't get a chance to speak during dinner, I’m Letitia.”
“Brian.”
“You seem like a strong, handsome, charming kind of fellow Brian, tell me …do you swing?”
“Aye lass, but it usually takes a new ball and’t right overhead conditions.”
"I see …well not beyond the bounds of possibility.”
“Brian.”
“You seem like a strong, handsome, charming kind of fellow Brian, tell me …do you swing?”
“Aye lass, but it usually takes a new ball and’t right overhead conditions.”
"I see …well not beyond the bounds of possibility.”
Saturday, 5 June 2010
#11 Intruder!
“Hello, which emergency service do you require?”
“Oh, the police please, dear.”
“What's the nature of the emergency?”
“Well dear, I can hear strange noises coming from downstairs, I think we may have burglars.”
“Okay, okay, stay calm and stay on the line, I'm dispatching a patrol unit right away, they'll be with you in two minutes. Now don't worry, they'll see you safe.”
“Oh no, no, it's not me I'm worried about dear, it's the burglars. You see it's a waxing gibbous moon tonight and Eugene has slipped his chain ...again. You'd best tell them to hurry.”
“Oh, the police please, dear.”
“What's the nature of the emergency?”
“Well dear, I can hear strange noises coming from downstairs, I think we may have burglars.”
“Okay, okay, stay calm and stay on the line, I'm dispatching a patrol unit right away, they'll be with you in two minutes. Now don't worry, they'll see you safe.”
“Oh no, no, it's not me I'm worried about dear, it's the burglars. You see it's a waxing gibbous moon tonight and Eugene has slipped his chain ...again. You'd best tell them to hurry.”
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