# 10 A New Bank Holiday

“Hi I'm Dave Bland and you're listening to BBC Radio Twelve. A quick reminder (as if you needed it) that today is National Fornication day, the one day of the year you can enjoy no questions asked, guilt-free sex with multiple strangers, with no comebacks, consequences or repercussions, safe in the knowledge your husband, wife, partner or significant other will be doing exactly the same.

NFD has been a roaring success since it was instituted over a decade ago to combat the tiresome problems of of unrequited lust, infidelity, marital boredom and relationship strife.

Remember it's not only a pleasure, it's practically your social duty, so get out there Britain and give 'em one for me!

Coming up, Suzie will be here with the weather ...after she's finished noshing me off. Over to you Suz.”

#9 Scrap Heap Challenge

Glancing up, he could see the gleaming city in the distance. His head went down again as he sifted through the refuse pile and to Azrael's delight, he uncovered the tangled strands of a length of copper wire. A happy find, two or three days good eating at least. He tore and clawed at the surrounding detritus and his lean, sunburned body twisted with the effort. Then the heap finally gave up its treasure and he laughed and danced, holding up his trophy to the the city. It was dying, lights growing dimmer as its power petered out. One day, maybe one day soon, the lights would go out forever and they too, the ones who lived there, would have to crawl through oceans of their own waste to survive. Azrael smiled, he would show them the way.

#8 Remote Control

Your day’s work is over and you drive home through the drowsy warmth of a suburban evening, at peace. When people ask what you do, your lies are well polished, the practiced deceptions of a surrogate warrior.
You’re simultaneously on the front line and three thousand miles away, an invisible predator hanging over the battlefield like a charnel raven. As you seek out new targets, your practised hands flicker over the controls effortlessly, man and machine in harmonious alignment. Sometimes you wonder if those heat signatures, those IR outlines, had lives before you reduced them to ashes. But then the training takes over and you see only threats, tangos, bogies. It doesn’t keep you awake at nights. Not very often.

# 7 Insurance

It is a generally considered a wise precaution when undertaking any new job to open a private file detailing exactly where the business is burying the bodies required to succeed in the modern cut throat world of commerce. Less wise is to store that file somewhere it can - even accidently - be found, especially if your employer is actually in the business of burying bodies.

#6 Underground

A growing hum which swells to a rumble. The precursor, air, pushed forward like the stale, exhaled breath of the tunnel. Light bending around the curve, then an outraged roar as it bursts into the station. I waver on the brink, a single step, an impact like an insect on a windscreen and then sweet oblivion. My elegy, the muttered curses of an untold host of delayed commuters.

# 5 Three Wishes, Part One: Eternal Youth

It's wise to exercise a degree of precision when a Djinn grants you three wishes, three chances to obtain your very own heart's desire. I asked for an eternal youth. Big mistake. That's him over there with the sullen look, the pasty face and the poor personal hygene. Moody bastard.

#4 Neophobia

It was with some trepidation that Axel confronted his greatest fear, only to discover that he was no longer very afraid of it any more. Damn. It was a moment of mixed joy and terror before he realized he was now suffering from disconcertaphobia - the fear of not knowing what your greatest fear is.

#3 New Worlds

It was with a growing sense of disconcertion that on stepping upon the surface of the unexplored world, Commander Shepherd discovered that the numberless dead did not in fact reside in heaven, hell or indeed anywhere in between. A strangely familiar reception committee awaited him.

#2 Topical

“I won’t shake your hand if you don’t mind. I’ve heard being a twat might be infectious.”

#1 Sibling Rivalry

“Were you an only child?”
“Eventually.”